Saturday, October 6, 2012

my life is a gift,
my life has a plan.
my life has a purpose;
in heaven it began.

every time i've been able to attend church the last year, practically, or listen to a fireside or go to education week, someone is often talking about potential. potential that the lord sees in us. potentials we need to be reaching. it always stands out to me. am i to act or be acted upon?
i've had a really difficult time in my life in striving to do better. be better. use this potential that people have always said was inside of me. i don't know why i make things difficult on myself. life can be so easy with the gospel, and yet i've tended to shirk it off the past couple of years. i don't know why i've done this. i regret it. i do.
i'm not happy. i mean, i have things in my life that make me happy. mostly friends and family, to be honest. i don't care for my job and i'm not in school. i'm just not doing anything with my life. the future scares me. and there will always be a future. i make excuses all the time for things i did or didn't do.
so i've decided to man up, and change things.
I AM IN CHARGE OF MY HAPPINESS. uchtdorf told me so. and the lord wants me to realize this as well.
i need to "look at my life less with my eyes and more with my heart."
and i need to "resolve to be happy, regardless of the circumstances."
i must make resolutions today,
and ultimately,
rely on christ's atonement.
this is difficult for me, because i'm bad at owning up to what i've done. and i've made a lot of bad decisions, but that doesn't make me a bad person. i want to do better, so i'm going to do just that,
do better.
i applied at UVU last week, and i just have to wait for an email saying i've been accepted (.... hopefully?) and then start registering.
i'm not saying that it's easy. because school and i have never been kindred spirits. seriously. i hate school. even the idea of it. but i need to go. i need to strive. i need to learn and better my mind and put myself freaking out there.
today i resolve to be better. to be accountable for my actions. to make a plan for myself. to resolve to be happy and not magnify the negativity in my present circumstances.

that is all for now.

1 comment:

leave here your rhymes and reasons, ladies and gents.