it's like i'm stuck in the middle of a see-saw.
one side goes up, and the other goes down.
this is how the see-saw works.
both sides of this see-saw are relatively good-- there are some flaws within both, but what doesn't have their flaw? nothing is perfect in the world.
let's label these sides; there is side left and side right.
side right of the see-saw feels troubled when side left is up, and i'm smiling at side left of the see-saw because i like the view.
and when the tables are turned, and side right is up and and left down, left is content with just being on the see-saw at all and sees no problem with side right being up. and side left feels powerful. accomplished.
i like both sides of the see-saw,
but i'm tired of feeling guilty when side left is up, because i know i'm vastly disappointing side right.
Somehow This Makes Sense In My Mind.
but i just don't know what to do anymore. i don't know how to balance these sides out, because it seems to be an impossible task. and i don't want to disappoint either side, or for either side to become unbalanced and i be left alone on the seesaw, wondering,
what could i have done differently?
(if you couldn't tell, my mind is a mess a little bit. i just don't know what to do.)