Wednesday, April 6, 2011

No One's Gonna Love You More Than I Do.

my blog and i have been mildly estranged from real, deep conversations, as of late.
my excuse for last week is that i had a forty hour work-week.
work consumed every day; and i was a slave to smith's in every emphasis of the word.

thankfully, i have three days off this week.
which i'm entirely happy about.

a lot has been going on.
my mind is heavy.
as is my heart.

I'm Torn Between Culinary School Or Something Involving English And Writing.
i've always been passionate about both.
i long to be a pastry chef, but i have always, always, always loved writing and english in all aspects.

But I Shouldn't Worry About That Right Now,
i must focus on what i need to do first.
and i will do it this month.
i'm promising that to myself right now.
because i really want my green car to be up and running, and all mine.
i shall reach my goal.
then, i'll concern myself over matters of just what i want to do.
(not that i really need to be certain at this moment.)

Band Of Horses Reminds Me Of My Brother.
and mandagins, for that matter.
i've been thinking a lot about him lately.
i sincerely miss him.
and i can't wait until he comes home from afghanistan.
my family just has to hold out until july.
but really, i couldn't come soon enough.
i'm lucky enough to have a really swell relationship with my sister in law, mandagins.
i just haven't seen or spoken to her as much lately, which greatly saddens me.
but i think it's hard for her to be around a lot of my family really often,
i believe it's easier for her to take us in smaller doses, because perhaps that makes her miss jake a small fraction less than she does.

Jake. Wherever You Are, Know That I Miss And Love You, More Than I Tell You.

can i just say how grateful i am for my best friends?
It's Difficult To Fathom The Love I Have For Them.
oh, cyler. i honestly do not know what i'd do without him. last night i told him i'd be lost without his presence in my life. which, i definitely would.
he is truly one of the greatest people i have ever met or encountered; which is probably why i state that fairly often here.
because it's difficult to explain just how much he means to me, and just how great he is.
I Try To Remind Him By Often Notifying Of His Amazing-Ness.
i wish things weren't the way they are with his parents.
he deserves better than that; but i know things will get better. they will.

he gets me through the day.
he keeps the blood flowing from the heart.
And I Love And Appreciate Him So Much.
he's good to me, and we can talk for hours and hours about absolutely everything and even the most ridiculous things all at once.
i love him for his honesty, his warmth, his sparkling personality, his good looks, and his great and loving heart.

and then there's jennifer, or leon. whichever you'd prefer.
we basically are sidekicks. we can do so much together and not get sick of one another's presence.
and she's better than she knows. and means more than she knows as well.
without her, my boring life would be even more boring.
i'd have no one to obsess over the stupid things i obsess over with.
it wouldn't be as fun making fun of terrible people that we both dislike if i had to do it on my own.
(i probably shouldn't do it in the first place, but i'm not perfect.)
she does a lot for me.
she always lets me vent my ridiculous problems, and somehow bears my talking about cy for hours on end. hahaha.
she's going to go farther than she knows, and i'm so very grateful that she's the sherlock holmes to my watson, and so many other things.

It's Been An Interesting Past Few Weeks.
i've hugged cyler an egregiously large amount for us, because we average like a hug every two months.
and i've gotten to spend a lovely amount of time with the dear people in my life.

Perhaps Some Of My Priorities Need To Get Straightened Out,
but i'll take it one day, one step, one moment at a time.

i apologize for this mess of a post.
I Just Have A Lot Of Feelings, And Am Unsure How To Make Them Flow, If Even Possible.


  1. I loved your comment "I just have a lot of feelings" That is actually my motto, and I live by it.

    ALSO it reminds me of that movie "mean girls"

    "I just want to bake a cake full of rainbows and smiles"

    Love you millie! HANG IN THERE!


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