little bits.

sitting at my sister's, on day 8 of house & dog sitting, listening to the first listen of "volume three" by she & him.
summer is in the air, my skin actually retained some color from my visit to the zoo yesterday.


life is weird. i'm blessed to have the people that i have in it, though. especially courtney and the thomas family. how sad i would be without them.

i'm still putting little effort into my life. maybe someday, huh?
maybe.
hopefully.

i just want things to be different.
i want to feel differently.
i want to feel like i'm in a better place.

i know going to college would probably help this. because i'd be working towards something,
but honestly, the idea of college scares me so badly. junior high and high school was bad enough for me. i just never got much out of school. although i love learning and i want to become more knowledgeable and do something with my life. like, actually make it matter and have a purpose,
but i'm scared to death.
that's the gospel truth.
i'm scared i won't be able to do it. that it will all be for naught. and i'll just give up, like i do with everything in my life. and i'm scared i won't figure out what i really want to do. and i'm even more scared that i'll settle for something mediocre, because i'm bad at trying things and sticking with them.
i have dreams. they're big, and maybe just simply be dreams, but i want to go places. i want to be somebody. i don't want a mediocre and menial life.

crossroads.