Monday, July 18, 2011

Exasperated.

i'm no leader. people don't follow me. i suppose i'm what you would call, a follower.
this way of life can be difficult, because peer pressure is something i have always easily given into.
i have convictions. strong ones. but lately, i don't know where i stand on certain issues.
i know what i believe. i know what i have faith in. but i'm finding it hard to follow through.
that's always been my problem.
I Have The Worst Follow Through.
i'll say one thing, and try and convince myself that i'll do it or not do it, and i just end up with regrets more than half of the time.

i don't want to work on sundays, because i know i need to go to church, but i don't have the guts to tell my boss that i can't be available on sundays.
(and even when i don't work on a sunday, i only manage to make it through sacrament meeting. i go home right after it ends.)
i keep saying that i'm going to get my GED, next week, the week after, but i've been saying this for over a year. and here i sit, GED-less. and just as pathetic as ever.
i tell myself that i'm going to swear less, and get rid of my sailor's mouth, but i swear just as much as always, if not more so.
i plan to buy things that will be beneficial to me; pay to get the car fixed, so then it's my own. buy new clothes, that i desperately need. pay for my GED. et cetera. but i spend my money on movies and food and frivolous items of no real necessity.
i tell myself i won't do certain things, and yet, i wind up doing them. with no hesitation.



I Think I Need Some Direction In My Life.
a real plan that i can and will follow through on.
because, needless to say, i'm feeling more than a little lost.
on more than just these few things i've brought up.

maybe i'm just tired. tired of the mundane routines. tired of the same feelings.
i know for a fact that i'd feel better if i took action in my life, and actually took chances.



My Heart Aches. Because I Feel Like A Failure. I'm Not Much Of A Friend, Person, Church Member, Employee.

i'm not searching for an ego boost. i know what i am right now, whether people see it or not.
I'm Just Asking For, Opinions?
on how to get out of this emotional, mental, and physical rut.
but i probably just need to look inside myself to get jump started, and ask my savior for help.


(this is all o'er the place. i apologize.)

4 comments:

  1. Hey! Don't you worry your pretty little head. You know what you should do? You should do 1 life thing a week! How about this week you go to church all 3 meetings. Or read your scriptures for 20 minutes, and have a good prayer. THEN as soon as you get paid, pay your tithing and take the GED. Just DO IT. Nothing gets done with dust in your gun babe, take it from me! I am the worlds top procrastinator, I have mastered the art of procrastinating procrastination. DO something for yourself and you will feel like you can fly!
    Call me if you need anything! Text Lindsey or somethin for my numbah, I'd put it up here but I don't want a bunch of hotties callin me you know what I'm sayin!

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  3. Amelia I love your guts! This was me to a T two years ago. I was feeling the same things you were, and I was tired of wanting my life to change, but not making any action to make it change! And I finally did it! I stopped caring about what my friends or family thought. I got my priorities straight and accomplished big goals I had had like receiving my young womanhood recognition award, graduation, etc. I started exercising and eating right, and lost 40 pounds. I started to budget and be very strict on money, and now I'm the cheapest person on Earth. :] What I'm trying to say is, you can do this! You are the only person who can change your life! Every morning try to be the person you want to be... that's what I do. And even if you don't necessarily do EVERYTHING you wanted, like if you buy a CD that you weren't planning on, or only go to one meeting at church - go to bed every night thinking about what you did right, and what you need to work on for tomorrow. Then wake up and start anew! Jeez, that was a freaking novel but I love you and I know how you're feeling. You can do anything. I believe in you!

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  4. Millie, I love you. Period the end. I was the same way with pay checks. It is hard to break a cycle that we were basically shown all of our years. It can be done. I promise. Hef said you are going to do Weight Watchers. Do it. You will be healthy, and even more HAWT than you already are. And just take your freaking GED. I remember when Megan was your age, she finally took her GED. Talk to her, she can relate, once-upon-a-time. Love you Millie-Moo!

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leave here your rhymes and reasons, ladies and gents.